You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
