My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
