I looked at my own cervix.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
