So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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