I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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