I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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