his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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