So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
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he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
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Woke up backwards on a recliner
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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