i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
