if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
