hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
