how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize