R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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