he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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