I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
