Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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