Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's rum buckets o'clock
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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