Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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