You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize