i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
