4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
