I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
