wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
