this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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