I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
