He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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