You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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