Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
