Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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