if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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