I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Enjoy the penises
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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