From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
