Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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