chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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