god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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