now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
