i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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