Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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