There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
