What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
