Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm like, not good at living.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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