dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Found the puke drawer
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
