Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
