so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
His hands were made for my vagina.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
