The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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