dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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