I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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