It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
