There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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