I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize