hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
