Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
