i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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