wrigley field is MILF paradise
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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