Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
