my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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