i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
