She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
